I don’t know if you’re allowed to call something a ‘tradition’ if you’ve only done it twice so far… but the future vision is to do this every single year. I feel pretty confident in that happening, so a tradition it is!
A few weeks ago I celebrated my 32nd birthday. My birthday has always felt like my own personal New Year’s celebration. I find myself feeling more reflective about my life as my birthday approaches than I do at the end of each calendar year. My friends who view the world through an astrological lens told me that this is actually quite logical, as my birthday falls on March 23, which is just two days after the start of the astrological new year AND just 4 days after the first day of spring. I fully embraced the ‘wintering’ season of restoration and introspection this year, so my birthday felt even more so like a reemergence.
In my birthday reflections, I ask myself questions to take stock of who I’ve become and how I got here, such as, “Who was I at this time last year, and who am I now?” and “What facilitated that growth? What was alchemized/released/gained in the process?” Meditating and journaling on these kinds of questions is not new for me – I’ve been doing this since high school, and probably to some degree even earlier than that.
The new ‘tradition’ came last year, when I decided to write a reintroduction of myself, as if I were meeting someone for the first time today and had the opportunity to be met purely, free of the past, as the version of myself that I am right now – and read it to my boyfriend, Damon.
As you already know or will soon become well aware, the idea that we are infinite and ever-evolving beings is central to my life philosophy. I believe it is important not to box ourselves into certain identities, and to do the same for others in our life. If you’ve ever felt frustrated that someone still sees you as who you were in high school or college (or insert phase of life that you feel you’ve moved beyond in terms of who you are and how you live - especially if you’re not particularly proud of that past version of you), then you’ll understand what a gift it is for someone to see you and know you as you are today.
It’s especially easy to not notice or acknowledge the changes in someone that you see every single day. Like the terrible frog in boiling water analogy, if something in your environment changes slowly over time, you might not notice it.
So as part of my birthday gift to myself (and part of Damon’s gift to me), I reintroduce myself to him. I share, “this is who I am today.”
Since some of my friends have heard me talk about this tradition, they asked to hear my reintroduction this year too, and it has felt really special to share. It’s been surprisingly intimate and vulnerable in that mix of wanting to be seen yet also fearing being seen – ultimately a really positive and beautiful experience.
One of those friends suggested that I share the reintroduction with you all, as she found it helpful and inspiring for her to hear. So thanks to her suggestion, now you get to read/hear it too.
I’ll share (most of) it below, and I encourage you to try out this activity on your next birthday - in your own authentic way. It has felt so powerful for me each time, and I’m so grateful that my little brain thought of it because it has become such a sacred tradition.
*It’s still vulnerable to share so thank you in advance for holding it all tenderly with me.
So, here you go - my reintroduction, Tara Kemp (age 32):
*Feel free to listen to the audio recording listed at the top of the post if you want to hear me read it to you! - xo
Hi, I’m Tara.
I’ve been exploring the human experience on planet earth in this lifetime for 32 years now.
Even though I feel like I don’t fit in with most of this world, I love being here. I love being alive and I am so grateful to get to have this experience, feeling and learning and growing within the mysterious, magical universe.
One of the biggest lessons I’m learning lately is just how important it is to be unapologetically myself. I’ve always known that authenticity is important to me and I literally FEEL THE FRICTION in my body when I am not being true to myself. But I’ve recently learned that it’s not just important to my personal life experience, but literally it is my job within the universe to be me. I have the gift of being highly sensitive and self-aware, which gives me basically a direct line of communication between my soul and my human self, and my intuition is usually very clear. I am becoming even more unapologetic about honoring my truth because it is my role and responsibility in the ecosystem of the cosmos to be ME.
And I fucking LOVE being me. I love the way I see the world, the way I see other people, the way I love other people, the way I feel emotions so intensely, the choices I make, the friends I choose, the life I am creating. I love it all and it’s a fucking BLAST being Tara Kemp.
A lot of the world breaks my heart, and in the past year I’ve faced parts of the world that make my pain and anger even stronger. But I don’t try to change the things that are out of my control. My energy goes toward embodying what I believe makes the world a better place, and what I know to be true for myself. That is what I’m here to do.
It feels more clear than ever that the more I pour into myself, the more I can pour back into the world. It's become a top priority to find what makes me feel the most alive, the most safe, the most nourished - so that I can expand to my fullest potential and give my fullest capacity for love to everyone and everything in my life. I want to create the strongest symbiotic love cycle possible - with myself as the vessel funneling the biggest love in and the biggest love out.
Related to that - something else that I always felt deep down but now know clearly without a doubt, is that my romantic partnership is the most important life experience to me. It is what I want most, and something I am unwilling to compromise on. Co-creating a sacred container of love and protection, and intimately connecting with another person, is the most beautiful and exciting and meaningful thing in my life. And simply put, it is a need. If I feel deeply loved, then I can handle literally anything else in life. If this is lacking, then I don't want anything else that comes with it (that is, the rest of the vision and the life we build together needs to be created from & through the loving safe connection). I still feel really vulnerable to admit this but it’s my truth right now and as I said earlier, I am honoring that.
I did my first guided plant medicine ceremony a few months ago, and it was life-changing. I feel like I met the Universe and met my true essence, and as a result I feel fundamentally & unquestionably safe and loved by the universe, for the first time ever. I feel even more in love with this precious being that is Tara Kemp, and I have been given not just permission, but a REQUIREMENT, to be my full self. I have also been able to lean even more into just how much fun life is for me, how playful my soul’s true essence is with this whole experience. Even though things often feel big and heavy, I love the intensity because I'm here to feel! I’m here to be human, and it’s a fucking blast. And I can hold it all lightly in the big picture - I'm just one drop in the ocean of the cosmos experiencing itself. It's all good.
I’ve been recognizing how much everything that I interact with is all in ultimate balance within the karmic whole. We are all in service to one another, playing out the parts we need to play, whether we are aware of it or not.
This past year also brought the lesson that my body is my greatest tool. It is my greatest ally, my home, my original and ultimate safe place, my teacher, my guide. My body tells me everything I need to know in order to live my own truth. It is the ultimate path to healing, the ultimate path to expansion.
Lately I’ve been expanding into being more freely and fully expressed. I am finding the lingering suppressed emotions within myself, and giving them a ‘voice’ through my body. I’m truly embracing my intensity more than ever, and Damon has been amazing in helping me to feel safe to be/show/express it all. I am learning to let new parts of myself (that I didn’t even realize were still in hiding) be seen – and he is showing me that he wants all of me. I feel so empowered and free, and so loved and safe. Radical self-expression is an amazing salve and expander, wow.
Ahead on the horizon for me is the journey of motherhood. I feel soooo connected to this already, and I'm so excited to step into the role of nurturing our little humans in a few years. It all feels so natural to me (from where I stand right now) and I feel so confident and ready. Just as I have learned how important it is for me to love myself and honor my truth, it feels so purposeful and exciting to step into the role of loving my kids and honoring each of their individual truths. I can't wait to meet them.
To me, everything that Damon and I do together in this lifetime is created from the foundation of our love; our love is the source from which everything else grows - including, and especially, building a family. We are going to create the most amazing little famjam and the magnitude of how beautiful and special and meaningful and magical that will all be is beyond words for me. Our utopia is the most wonderful thing I can imagine, and that’s exactly how it should be - and I believe in it 100%. We are doing it!!!!
It's been a tumultuous few years, if I'm being fully honest. Lots of beauty, lots of growth, but also lots of struggle. But I am beginning to really understand it all now, and I feel increasing peace in my heart and mind about the journey I've taken to get here. Today, I have so much clarity and feel so much peace. Hallelujah for that. *inhale, exhale happy sigh*
I am still wildly imperfect and still have days that feel heavy and confusing. But I am here, I am doing this human thing full send, and I am growing and expanding and getting stronger through it all. I am having the full depth of the human experience and I am grateful to be here.
Thank you to myself, thank you to Damon, thank you to the divine, thank you to our spirit babies, thank you to my friends new and old, thank you to the earth, thank you to the great mystery, and to the meaning we get to make of it.
All my dreams are coming true 🙏🏻🌈🌸✨
You are a cosmically beautiful human, Tara! I love to read about your experience. Thank you for your vulnerability ❤️
Excellent piece, Tara. I admire your ability to deeply understand who you are, lean into authentically being yourself, and clarify it all in writing.
I really like this line: "it is my job within the universe to be me" which ties in well with this from your About page: "I’m a critical thinker. I question norms if they don’t sit right with me and I create my own values and beliefs, even if they go against the grain."
In a time where many people feel increasing pressure to conform or hide in some way who they truly are, your message is particularly important. I'm excited to read more!